Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
