I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
