I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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