I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
