Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
