Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
