Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
