thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
