am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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