the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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