My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
