I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
