i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
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Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
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At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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