Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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