Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
