He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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