he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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