She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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