You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
