i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
