I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Drake has all the answers
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My bed smells like the plague
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
