:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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