she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
