someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
