Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
