It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
