a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
