On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
