"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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