if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
