My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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