i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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