ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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