I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
