She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
