His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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