And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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