I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
