You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
