As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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