Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
