when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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