I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
