I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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