i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
