Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
