did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
