So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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