Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
