A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
