Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
