I wish life had little blips of pornography
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
