my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
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