i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
