I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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