When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
