Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So squirting runs in the family.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
