Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
