Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Houston, we have a squirter
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
