There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
