so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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