Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
