Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
