Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
