i need an iv and a liver transplant
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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