Fuck appropriateness.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
