New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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