I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
